Individual Author Record
Name: Norm CowiePen Name: None Genre: Fiction Born: 1958 in Baltimore, Maryland Sites:
Illinois ConnectionI escaped from Michigan after college and moved to the Chicago area where there weren't oustanding warrants on me ... just kidding. I was transferred to Illinois where I soon learned to love cornfields.
Biographical and Professional InformationI have three published fantasy/humor books, the Young Adult humor/vampire book, Fang Face, The Adventures of Guy … written by a guy (probably) and the Preditors & Editor’s Reader’s Choice winner for best Sci-Fi Fantasy, The Next Adventures of Guy … more wackiness. In addition, my short stories appear in the anthologies Heat of the Moment and Missing where all profits go to charity.In the real world I am vice president of an electrical supply company, a business lecturer and award-winning business humor columnist, where I get in trouble for calling attorneys names like “poo poo head” and ‘weasels’ and stuff like that. So far they haven’t sued me (though my publishers probably wouldn’t mind the publicity). I have also written humor articles that have appeared in the Chicago Tribune and Cynic Magazine. They haven’t sued me either.In the real world, I'm married, with two critters … er … daughters (weird beings who pretend to be women) and a bunch of critters that I'm allergic to.
- The Adventures of Guy, written by a guy (probably), Draumr Publishing, 2006
- The Next Adventures of Guy, more wackiness, Draumr Publishing, 2007
- Fang Face, Quake Publishing, 2009
- The Guy'd Book: Why we leave the seat up ... and other stuff, CreateSpace, 2010
- The Adventures of Guy, CreateSpace, 2011
- WereWoof: ... as if being a teenager isn't 'ruff' enough, CreateSpace, 2011
- Bonk & Hedz: a cave man ... and woman ... story, CreateSpace, 2011
- Norm's Shorts: a collection of short ... ...(and mostly) humor stories, CreateSpace, 2013
Titles At Your Library
The Adventures of Guy
ISBN: 1933157089 Draumr Publishing. 2006 Every once in a while, a book comes along that WOWS you...keeps you thumbing through the pages, causes emotions to pour from your soul...leaking stuff, like inspiration, tears of joy or sadness. It even makes the Oprah book list. Well, this ain't that kind of book. The Adventures of Guy is a book of fun, of truths so ridiculous that you just have to sit down and drink a milk shake and ponder the fallacies of human nature and satire and why some day there will be more attorneys in the world than non-attorneys...and what a world like that will be like...and you feel sorry for your grandchildren, because, thank God, you'll be buried by then...and the attorneys will still be fighting over your estate. Join Guy and his roommates Thurman and Knob, plus a comely Amazon (whose breasts, like the Big Gulp, are too big for the cup holder) on their Quest to get his little brother's brain back from sinister forces who actually believe a teenager's brain is worth something more than just playing Playstation. A Quest where they run into monsters too horrible to mention here...but we'll give you a hint...think "plumber's butt."
The Next Adventures of Guy
ISBN: 1933157194 Draumr Publishing. 2007 Every "Quest" has to have a sorcerer, an elf, a warrior, special effects...and most of all, a sequel. So in the hilarious sequel to The Adventures of Guy, Guy and his college buddies, Knob and Thurman, take on a new quest...to save Earth from alien invasion.
To do this, they must take on Big Oil and other sinister forces using only their wits, their newfound powers and their knowledge of beer, all while overcoming their own leader's lack of faith in their abilities.
But can our heroes do this without their mighty warrior? And with the impending invasion? And with Guy's kid-brother tagging along? Come along with us on The Next Adventures of Guy and find out for yourself.
ISBN: 1590806204 Quake. 2009 Erin has been bitten twice by a vampire, and is turning into an Undead with a taste for blood smoothies. Her friends and family decide they like her more as normal teen, so they gear up to protect her from the third bite that will turn her into a coffin sleeper forever. "I loved this book, fangs and all," New York Times best-selling author James Rollins "Fantastically funny," BookLoons "Don't miss this gem," Shane Gericke, national best-selling author. "...genuinely funny..." Taliesin - The Vampire's Lair. Five-starred by Amazon top reviewer Harriet Klausner.
The Guy'd Book: Why we leave the seat up ... and other stuff
ISBN: 1453664203 CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform. 2010 Award winning humorist Norm Cowie is a father, husband, speaker, businessman, ESPN addict ... and a guy. And as a guy, he wonders a lot...and no, not just 'I wonder how she looks naked.' Though he does wonder that.
He also wonders other stuff, so he put his thoughts together in a series of essays of what guys are like, what they like and what they think about ... during those rare moments they're thinking, that is. Some of these essays appeared in the Chicago Tribune and Cynic Magazine (including three of Cynic's 'Best Of' issues).
His thoughts on Guys: Guys who know how to use tools and, (gasp) read instruction manuals, are not really guys. Guys don't lie ... ever ... and no, it's not a zit on my nose, I was bitten by the rare winter mosquito. Guys watch beer commercials because we really need to know if they were triple-hops brewed, not because there are scantily clad women prancing around. Bald guys are the most macho of the macho, with hormone levels jacking our manliness into the stratosphere. Why cleavage makes us forget ... what was I going to say? And other stuff: Why don't clouds, which weigh hundreds of thousands of pounds, fall on us (hint: they don't want to) Why do we add salt (a kind of rock) to water to soften it. Why do we buy air and water, two of the most common substances on earth. Why do we expect McDonalds and other places to let us use their restrooms ... for free... and we get mad if the restroom is dirty or they run out of Mc-toilet paper, which they give us for free.
Norm's previous humor/fantasy books were "The Adventures of Guy ... written by a guy," "The Next Adventures of Guy... more wackiness" and "Fang Face," his first young adult vampire/humor book. Reviewers compare them to books by Douglas Adams, Christopher Moore and Dave Barry.
The Adventures of Guy
ISBN: 1456590618 CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform. 2011 Somebody stole Seth's brain, not that he was using it anyway. But now his brother Guy and college roommates Knob and Thurman must take on sinister forces using only their wits, knowledge of beer and an Amazon Warrior, whose breasts, like the Big Gulp, are too big for the cup holder.
See why reviewers compare THE ADVENTURES OF GUY to the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
WereWoof: ... as if being a teenager isn't 'ruff' enough
ISBN: 146099020X CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform. 2011 Two teens-turned-weredogs use their newfound powers of Kibbles and Bits to battle turncoat werewolves and bloodsucking vampires and save their friend from the pointy toothed villains. A stand-alone sequel to Fang Face. "...clever one-liners..." Constance Hullander, author of Snowstorm. "Like a fun vacation..." Ophelia Julien, author of Saving Jake
Here's what they say about its prequel, Fang Face:
"I loved this book, fangs and all," New York Times best-selling author James Rollins "Fantastically funny," BookLoons "Don't miss this gem," Shane Gericke, national best-selling author. "...genuinely funny..." Taliesin - The Vampire's Lair. Five-starred by Amazon top reviewer Harriet Klausner.
Bonk & Hedz: a cave man ... and woman ... story
ISBN: 1461175135 CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform. 2011 What was it like before NFL football? Before Reality TV? Before cake?
Bonk and his mate Hedz are an ordinary caveman and cavewoman struggling with the everyday existence that comes when one's place in the food chain isn't all that clear.
If creating fire, dodging volcano eruptions and outrunning saber tooth tigers isn't stressing enough, their daily survival is interrupted when a strange little caveman named Lob arrives in the village. Lob convinces their leader, Chief Wug, that a neighboring tribe is amassing weapons of mass destruction in preparation for an assault on their village.
As Lob gains more influence on their chief, the tiny community of troglodytes must form an army and prepare to defend themselves. But when this endeavor raises unexpected social issues such as women's rights, religion and politics, the cavemen realize they might have been better off if they had never come down from the trees.
Mixing slapstick and social commentary in equal amounts, BONK & HEDZ shows how things might have gone had Fred Flintstone and George W. Bush crossed clubs.
Norm's Shorts: a collection of short … …(and mostly) humor stories
ISBN: 1484907191 CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform. 2013 A zombie interrupts a vampire bat feast at the local pizzeria. A caveman is treed by a saber-tooth. Two pets witness their master turn into a werewolf. What do all of these have in common? Not much, other than each has a starring role in this collection of short stories by Norm Cowie, award-winning business columnist, author of six humor books and founder of the Humor Writers of America. Norm's Shorts runs the gamut of vampires, cavemen, college dudes, werewolves, fantasy, sci-fi ... all unapologetically laced with humor (and featuring a short humor essay by Norm's daughter, Sam).